Who Knew You Could Fail Group Therapy?

I have my last session of group CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) this week and I haven’t exactly been a star student. Everyone else seems to be thriving on the work being done and most have had great insight into what may have had them stuck in a rut of negative thinking but it turns out I’m not that easy to convince. Que’ll surprise.

What Makes Me So Special?

Is it just me or does anyone else who is dealing with depression give everybody but themselves the empathy, patience and understanding that should be afforded to all who suffer from this debilitating illness? Why do I place a stigma on myself when I allow others to be considered “genuinely sick”? That’s the question that has come up time and time again with several professionals that I see on a regular basis and seems to be the root of my core belief that I am a failure. Despite the fact that I’m a health care professional (make that WAS a health care professional) and am completely aware that depression is an illness just like any other, I have thrust upon myself the judgement that I have failed at life because I did not rise above this current bout and should be considered less of a person because of it. We truly are our own worst enemies.

Two Steps Back.

It happened…the news I was dreading to hear arrived in the mail about 2 weeks ago. Due to the amount of time I have been off of work, it will take me approximately 2 years full time in university to get my nursing licence back. Although I don’t actually do “hands on” nursing in my job, being able to put the letters R.N. after my name means I have to have a universal level of competency in order to be able to function in all areas of nursing. As much as I understand that this profession requires regulation in order to keep the public safe, it’s just not necessary for the position I am in. I wish I could accurately express the level of frustration and sadness that I am feeling right now. It just cements to me the feeling that I have somehow failed in my life for not rising about the depression that has had a hold on me for so long.

Still on the Road to Recovery

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything so I apologize for my unintentional hiatus. It’s just that since my last post was so positive, I didn’t want to disappoint anyone…myself included…by talking about what life has been like lately. Oh sure…things have definitely improved over the course of the past several months but, as I am admittedly very hard on myself, I am thoroughly unimpressed with where I am right now. I guess after experiencing some significant improvements after my admission to hospital last fall, I expected the momentum to continue and for everyday to be filled with unicorns and rainbows. What a dolt.